Sometimes I hate it when I’m right.  No sooner had I got close to the jackal headed guard than he began trying to intimidate me.  First, he tried to catch my eye, to do that ridiculous whoever looks away first loses thing.  There was no good way out of that, so I avoided playing by wiping the rain out of my face.  The guard didn’t like that, but couldn’t really make an issue of it, so he stepped right in front of me forcing me to stop abruptly.  As he leaned towards me, I could small his breath which was as bad as you’re imagining and hear a low growl in his throat.
“Business in Faircrest?” he barked.

There was a small part of me that wanted to reply “Yes, there is”, but I keep that side firmly under wraps.  My amusement would be short lived and the impact on the plan could be huge.

Instead I very politely spun him the cover story of a charitable organisation in Faircrest, ready to give a donation to the All-Church.
The guard cut me off half way through my carefully rehearsed story.  “How do I know that’s true, eh?” he asked aggressively, leaning even further towards me.  “How do I know that you ain’t just a stinking, weasly little criminal on yer way to do harm to the good folk of Faircrest, who don’t want to be bovvered by the likes of you?”

From the corner of my eye I could see the Effren and Nana were already past the other guard who seemed to be taking his duties less seriously than his aggressive companion.  I couldn’t really complain, I thought.  After all, I am a weasly criminal just perhaps not as smelly as my guard was suggesting.
Channelling my inner Father Terry, I told the guard that I was much reassured that he was being so through in his job.  If only, I carried on, everybody had such dedication to their chosen careers, surely the world would be a much better place.
“I don’t wanna hear it,” my tormentor interrupted. “I fink yer dodgy.  Who gives up their time fer the poor?”

Fair point!

Meanwhile the other guard was making a pretence at inspecting the cart.  He clearly didn’t want to put too much effort in, or get too close.

“So, you know ‘em, then, eh?”

I stopped a curse before it could give me away.  The guard had spotted me looking to see how the others were doing.  Worst case, I thought, as long as they all got through, we still had a shot at the job.